my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
