I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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