Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
