currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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