First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
