I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
