I faked an abortion last night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
