there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
