Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
