I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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