is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
