What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
