My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
