i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
