tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
