That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
