I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
