The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
