have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
