Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
