the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
