Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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