I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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