You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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