just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
