now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
