I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
