I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
