I should be sponsored by Trojan
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
