I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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