No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
