Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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