Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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