Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
