I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
