in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
