Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
