I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
