Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
