before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How external is "for external use only"?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
