I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This house was built for laser tag.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want her autograph on my taint
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
