i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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