i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
