Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
