I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
