all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
