my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
