I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
