I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
be right there i have to get my cape
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
