and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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