Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
