call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
this is an emotional support booty call
I am available for nakedness
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