if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Who died my cat blue again?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
