dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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