I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
