She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
