I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
