Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
