your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
