What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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