At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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