It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
